I’m Delighted to Announce I’ll Be Observing ‘Festivus’ For the First Time This Year

It's a Festivus miracle! The miracle is that with all my years invested in being a Seinfeld super fan, I've never actually celebrated the holiday. Festivus takes place each year on December 23rd. If you hate all the commercial and religious aspects of Christmas this may be for you. Rather than have me explain it, let's go to the source.

I am really looking forward to the "Airing of Grievances" this year and to tell our guests how they have let me down this past year. These three in particular are gonna hear it.

• Grievance #1 - Stop taking the same picture or tell Lisa she does not always have to be in the middle.
• Grievance #2 - Quit bowling and going to Lakeside and go home and spend time with your husbands.
• Grievance #3 - Stop being so supportive of one another, it's obnoxious.

Then later in the evening I will grab my popcorn and pull up a chair for the "Feats of Strength" featuring these two:

Rob v. Anthony in a epic battle to the death. At this point in my life Festivus just makes sense. I need to balance out the weight of Christmas with a relaxing night of shouting at people and physically fighting.

What's on the menu, you ask? Pho is on the menu. I don't know if I spelled it right, I most certainly don't know how to pronounce it but it's delicious and as far as I know has absolutely nothing to do with Christmas.

It's a "Festivus for the Rest of us!"