I am not good at being bored. I am certain that it's a preventable illness, whose symptoms show their face all too often, and they need to be snuffed out. One of the best instant cures for boredom is shouting.

The content of what you shout matters for sure, but it's the shouting itself that is most important. There is no appropriate place for raising your voice if you think about it. You can not do it at work, you can not do it in a restaurant, and any good therapist will tell you that you can't do it at home. So, from those facts alone, shouting all by itself will stop boredom dead in it's tracks.

Whether you are the shouter or a witness, things tend to take an interesting turn right after the action of said shout. Here are some suggestions for things that I have either shouted myself or witnessed people shouting that make the day a lot more intriguing:


FIRE! - I have written and spoken about this a lot. My wife did it once, and it was amazing. I never laughed so hard. It is, however, dangerous, irresponsible, and, in some cases, could even be considered a criminal act. Do not shout fire at a concert, for example. This could be considered "inciting a riot" and people could get trampled and hurt. My wife did it in a huge room with a handful of quiet people that had plenty of room to run had they chosen to. With great power comes great responsibility. Remember this before shouting, "FIRE!"

THE GOVERNMENT! - Fun around friends if you and they are Seinfeld fans. Also fun around complete strangers. If it is shouted in front of strangers, do not expect them to hang around and get to know you.


MY PENIS HURTS! - Nothing anyone can do about it. It's for sure going to make people uncomfortable, but they have zero recourse. How do they know whether or not it hurts? For all they know, your privates are in such excruciating pain, you could not help but shout it.

Any statement of fact - For example, "Chris Hardwick is from Louisville, KY!" Yell it, yell it loud, 'cause it's inarguable. You yell that, and you have taken the power position in the room. People fear you now — you are a wild card. 99%t of people want no part of a wild card human.

Shout any of those things, and your boredom will be cured. You're welcome.

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