Looks like I am going to have to move out of my house. The soap has pumpkin spice in it and if you know anything about me, you know this pumpkin spice craze is the bane of my existence. How did we let this get here? At what point, in America, did we decide we were going to allow pumpkins to run our lives?

If it's not pumpkin spice cookies, it's lattes, pies, bread and now soap. Top that off with the fact that we are no longer in control of our social schedules from September to December because pumpkins are driving the bus. We have to travel to a new pumpkin destination each week, dressed in a sweater to photograph ourselves with pumpkins.

We have let this pumpkin thing get away from us and it's time to act before it's too late. Pumpkins are orange lumps with a husky handle, we don't need to let them run our lives. I'm starting today, I see a pumpkin, I hit it with a rake. A pumpkin spice candle appears, I smash it with a baseball bat and throw it in the garbage. I refuse to wash with this pumpkin soap, I don't care how smelly I get.

I can't do this alone, we need to take our country back from these pumpkins. Will you join me? Can we save humanity before it's too late"?







Look how smug it is.

Pumpkin on white

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