I’m Suspect Of Some of the People Telling Me To Wash My Hands Right Now

I believe in hand washing, always have and now it's more important than ever. However, I am starting to suspect that some of the people who are telling me to wash my hands, don't wash theirs. I can't prove this because it's frowned upon to listen through the door to people using the bathroom and kick the door down at the last minute to catch them but I am highly suspicious right now.

I know it's just a theory but I estimate that 61% of people who've told me to wash my hands  recently don't wash theirs. I'll take it a step further, I believe 81% of the people who've told me to wash my hands more than once recently have never washed their hands.

Remember earlier when I said it's considered frowned upon to listen in to someone going to the bathroom and then break in at the end to check on their sanitary habits? I believe it is considered frowned upon and probably illegal but I'm now considering committing this crime/social misdeed and doing it in the name of the greater good.

I can do a bid upstate if it means one more filth monger is outed for their germ hoarding. I'll take this one on the chin for the team and I hope you will be there for me when the public outcry against me gets loud. If you can't find me over the next few days it's because I am busy kicking bathroom doors in and shouting at unsuspecting germ heads.

Oh, one more thing, wash your hands.