NYC Moving Companies Can't Keep up With Demand as Residents Flee

According to the NY Post, city moving companies that are trying to keep up with demand are resorting to renting U-Haul trucks. The NY Post interviewed Perry Chance, the owner of "Show Up Movers", who said they are renting U-Haul trucks when they run out of their own and he estimates that 25 percent of their customers are moving to states such as Connecticut and Pennsylvania.

Not only that, but the CT Mirror says that almost 10,000 people changed their address from New York to Connecticut in the the first three months of the pandemic. That would make the NYC flee eight times what it was in the same time period last year. The report goes on to say a large number of those headed to the Nutmeg State from NY are millennials.

That's it! Sound the alarm, it's Threat Level Midnight! In eight months, you won't recognize the Greater Danbury area. These NYC millennials are not going to be content just moving here, they will insist on transforming the area into one that fits their needs. Buckle up for the following:

Ride share electric scooters as far as the eye can see
Flat brimmed "baseball" caps with no baseball logos, instead, pictures of pizza and reflective metals
Kimchi
Kombucha
Green Juice
Artisanal jams
Vegan cookies
Foraged berries
Cars that run on fry oil
Plant based sneakers
Tiny tattoos
Wall tapestries
Over-sized jean jackets
Vegetable-tanned leather belts
High wasted jeans
People saying "get woke"
Polaroids
Bloggers (don't we have enough?)

We are in way over our heads here and solutions are needed. You may think I am being paranoid or painting unfair broad strokes, fine. Come see me in eight months and see if you feel the same way.

You may not be able to anticipate the potential horrors to come, but I can smell the essential oils from here. You won't have a choice, you will be wearing shoes made of lettuce and drowning in Trap music. Don't say I didn't warn you.