While physical social interaction is way down during the COVID-19 crisis, communication has not slowed down. It would be nice to use this as an opportunity to talk to people less or talk to less people, but that's not happening. Not only that, but we've already developed speech crutches/patterns that we are all using. Here are some of the greatest hits:

  • "What a time to be alive!" It sure is, now do me a favor and never say that again.
  • "6 feet, social distancing, hahahah" 100% of the people who say this, say it to you after breaching the 6 foot mark. They are also laughing because this is their best attempt at being funny. Back it up, I can hear you saying nothing of use to me from over there.
  • "You know what I heard?......" Right after they say, "you know what I heard," they slide in some information they got from their most trusted news source, usually a tidbit from a "momfluencer" on Facebook.
  • "As soon as this is over we are getting together." This sentence is used a lot and if we actually followed up on the meet-ups we are scheduling "as soon as this is over," we would not have any time for work or our families. The truth is "as soon as this is over" you will see the people you used to see before this started.
  • "I'm learning Mandarin." Listen, if you are teaching yourself a new language or learning to play piano, I applaud you. That said, I better run into an ass-load of people with new skills after the COVID crisis because folks are talking a big game.
  • "There was no___ at Stop N' Shop" / "You know what I found at Stop N' Shop?" I've never been less interested in anything in my life.
  • "Living the dream." You ask someone how they are doing, this is how they respond and it's maddening. This one has been around for a long time and was a "go-to" response for folks prior to the coronavirus. Unfortunately, COVID-19 can't kill this saying and everyone is sarcastically "Living the dream."

People, they're the worst. 

Enter your number to get our free mobile app