Yougov did a study to find out what the most popular side is at an American Barbecue and potato salad was the clear winner. The Main dish that reigns supreme, burgers. These are wonderful foods and I love them but they will be the death of your new sneakers.

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Look at the menu:

  • Burgers covered in mustard
  • Hot Dogs covered in ketchup
  • Potato Salad
  • Corn on the Cob
  • Baked Beans
  • Cole Slaw
  • Mac and Cheese
  • Watermelon

You name it, they will be the death of your new sneakers. I buy one new pair of sneakers every year and I buy them in April. The first time I wear those sneakers is Memorial Day.

You see, I want to look fresh, I haven't seen people in awhile and I'm coming out throwing haymakers with the new wheels.

If you are like me, and I think you are, you will want to avoid certain foods, people and activities like:

Small Children 

I have four kids, kids are great, I love my kids, they are the death of new sneakers. Children will come to ask you a question and they will step directly on your foot. Their foot will be wet and dirty from the garden hose and the bottom of their shoe has endured so much. Avoid children at all cost.


Who doesn't love ketchup on their burger? Some people even put it on their hot dogs or even chips. Memorial Day is the 2nd biggest ketchup day of the year behind the 4th of July. You not only need to avoid using ketchup on your food but you have to elude the ketchup of the other guests. Someone will drop their plate with a ton of unused ketchup, someone else will over squeeze the full ketchup bottle. You need to pay attention and assume everyone is trying to ruin your kicks.

Fresh Cut Grass 

Sorry, you will have to sit out of the volleyball game or you will miss the Wiffle Ball game. Do you want to preserve these sneakers or not? Stand on the deck, stand on the patio or lock yourself in the car in the driveway. Grass stains are the overall #1 killer of nice sneakers in America.

Macaroni and Cheese 

If done right, the family mac and cheese is loaded with grease. You can clean grass stains off if you act fast, a quick water wipe will probably save your new wheels from the ketchup but you are not getting a grease stain out.

Washing Dishes/Helping Out

Don't do dishes or help clear the table. You are going to bump into someone and you will end up covered in a variety of greasy juices. You'll just have to be really helpful around Christmas time to makeup for what you are not doing this weekend.

The Cousin Who is a Secret Cigarette Smoker 

We all have a cousin who smokes like a chimney and fools themselves into thinking people don't know. They always have to hide to smoke, they always want you to come along because they have a secret to tell you. They will be standing behind the shed, on a pile of oily paint rags, they will be under the deck in dirt and rocks, in a bush that is covered in cobwebs, bugs and leaves. When they ask you to come along just say text me and walk away.

Memorial Day is going to be a difficult to get through but if you follow my advice, your sneakers will survive.

P.S. Here's a potato salad recipe for you to make and bring. It will makeup for the fact that you refuse to eat anything, talk to anyone or do anything. Make one of your family members carry it in.

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