Is Every Woman in Connecticut Carrying a Stanley Tumbler Right Now?

I need help understanding something, and before we go any further, let me make one thing very clear: I have no beef with Stanley.

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I’m not locked in some blood feud with Pacific Market International—the fine folks who make Stanley products. And I have nothing but respect for William Stanley, the man who invented the first all-steel insulated vacuum bottle way back in 1913. This isn't an attack on anyone. I'm not here to pick on the ladies. This is a fact-finding mission: What, exactly, makes these thermoses so irresistible to women in Connecticut?

I see them everywhere. There has to be a reason. Is it just the female urge to imprison beverages? My wife, Erica, doesn’t currently have a Stanley—she either lost it or emotionally detached—but she still owns approximately 4,326 other liquid transport devices. Bottles, mugs, tumblers...her beverage arsenal is vast and ever-expanding.

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And it doesn’t stop at the container. No, no. Erica’s drinkware obsession extends into a full-blown lifestyle. She doesn’t just need the cup—she needs something to carry the cup. Specifically, a vehicle with no fewer than eight cupholders. You may ask, “How do you know that exact number?” Well, allow me to tell you a true and slightly painful story. We were test driving a car at Danbury Chrysler Jeep Dodge Ram Fiat (yes, that’s the real name). We’re cruising along, the salesman’s doing his whole pitch, and I say, “You know, I think I actually like this car.” He’s thrilled. Then suddenly—silence. Heavy, ominous silence. The kind you feel in your spine. I knew she was processing a dealbreaker. I turned to Erica and said, “What’s up back there?” And then she got on her cupholder bulls--t. I thought she was joking, she was not. She launched into a ten-minute monologue on cupholder design, placement, and quantity. Have you ever tried to pretend to care about cupholders for ten straight minutes? Do you realize how long ten minutes is? My brain physically hurt. Needless to say, we did not buy that car. The next day, she doubled down. My inbox was flooded with Erica messages sharing TikTok's from “The Car Mom” absolutely losing her mind over...you guessed it: cupholders.

@the_car_mom The Expedition era is coming to an end…. Heres what ill miss #carsoftiktok #momlife #ford #fordexpedition ♬ original sound - The Car Mom: Kelly Stumpe

So, ladies, help me out—what is it? Why must you dominate the world of portable liquids? I'm afraid to take Erica whitewater rafting. Her brain will explode trying to figure out how to transport the river back to our house.

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