Police: Florida Man Named ‘Florida’ Commits Absurd Series of Crimes
Lawrence Franklin King Florida is his name and he's a Florida man through and through.
According to WFLA Florida went on a burglary spree in Zephyrhills, FL over Memorial Day Weekend. Police say it began when Florida broke into a restaurant, stole booze seltzers (Whiteclaw), left and threw them in a retention pond out back.
Next, police say Florida stole clippers, a charging stand, and earbuds from a local barbershop. When that was over, he allegedly broke into a different barbershop and stole more clippers. Wait, there is more...Florida reportedly broke into a carpet store and stole nothing. Then, cops say he broke into a bakery and stole cash and a variety on nonsensical items.
Next, he allegedly broke into a veterinary clinic, then a cat rescue, stole a ring camera off someone's house and finally (reportedly) broke into a truck and stole a briefcase. To recap, he allegedly, illegally entered the following places:
- Barbershop (2)
- Capet Store
- Veterinary clinic
- Cat Rescue Facility
Cops say he took items that did not belong to him that included:
- Hair Clippers
- Cat wormers
- Animal pain medication
- Ring Doorbell
Police were able to find and arrest Lawrence Franklin King Florida who admitted to his crime spree. Authorities also say he was helpful in showing police where he threw most of the stolen items.
My dude (allegedly) went H.A.M. (Hard as a Mother) on theft and barely kept any of the items he stole. If I were one of the cops on the case, I'd be less concerned with this crime as it appears on the surface and more interested in what it really means.
He took the items (allegedly) and ditched them, right? Maybe it's because he thought the items being used or consumed would contribute to the downfall of society in some way. Maybe these specific items, when combined can be used as a propulsion system for extraterrestrials with a thirst for human blood.
Or, maybe meth was involved?
If you want to catch a criminal, you need to think like one, or just wait outside a barbershop, at least this one guy hates them.
These crimes make such little sense they will probably haunt the investigating officers for a lifetime. It would stay with me, every night I'd roll around in bed wondering why?
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