Ethan & Lou Got Some Weird Early XMAS Gifts

Ethan and I have been friendly with Jared from the Ridgefield Playhouse for years. This morning Jared joined Ethan and Lou on the show to run down some of the exciting shows they have coming up at the Playhouse. We did not expect him to bring us early Christmas gifts but that is just what he did. They were the stuff of legend but first let's meet the man behind the thoughtful presents.

While Jared looks like a legendary bag of tools in this photo, he is anything but. Jared is a funny, bright guy who just happens to have an insane resume. Prior to his return to the Ridgefield Playhouse Jared was working for Daymond John of "Shark Tank" the hit ABC TV Show. He's worked in the PR world, with/for musicians of great note and he and he and I did a TV show together that never made it to TV. So, what did the man bring that's so special? He got Ethan a pillow, a hideous, hilarious pillow with my face on it. 

In case you can't make it out it says: "Hey Ethan! SOMF!" SOMF stands for "sit on my face." He actually took the time to find a disturbing photo of me and have it committed to a pillow.

Horrific picture, I know, but thoughtful on Jared's part. The other day, he and I were on the phone talking about how Ethan used to have a throw pillow that he would sit on in the studio. Ethan sat on the same pillow, every morning for about twenty years. I told Jared this and he thought Ethan needs a new pillow, very nice of him.

Even the packaging had my mustache mug on it. This would have been enough gift for the both of us. The pillow was for Ethan and the laughs were for me but he did not stop there. Jared made the huge mistake of buying me a Samurai sword.

Amazement.

Already trying to hurt myself.

Now it's on the shelf right next to my desk in the studio. Should we have an unruly guest, we are ready for whatever. We know Kenny Loggins hates me and there are others; Danica McKeller (Winnie from the Wonder Years), Big Pussy (Sopranos) & Hal Sparks (Former host of "The Soup") They will all think twice about beefing with me in this studio knowing I have a sword!  - THERE IS A HELPFUL REFERENCE KEY AT THE BOTTOM DESCRIBING THESE DISPUTES. 

This is how to give gifts, thoughtful, fun, and funny, thank you to Jared, you are amazing. Check out what's going on at the Playhouse, the upcoming guest lineup is white hot.

That' us, another time and place. The time - 2014, the place - Deer Hill Avenue.

Celebrity Beef Key:

• Kenny Loggins: Does not like talking about the songs he wrote for "Top Gun" or "Caddyshack." Kenny's people made this clear to both Ethan and I ahead of the interview we did with him some years back. I asked anyway because those are the only Kenny Loggins songs I care about. To be fair, they are the only Kenny Loggins songs most people care about. "Danger Zone" still gives me the chills.
• Danica McKellar: Danica came on the show to promote some science book she had just written because she's like a real life genius. I had the balls to bring up the fact that she had also been on the cover of Maxim Magazine months prior, which was true and things went down hill from there.
• Vincent Pastore AKA Big Pussy: This ass clown came on to promote his upcoming stand up comedy gig, we were recording the interview to playback later, I started rolling and introduced him as being in the "Soprano's", "Goodfellas" and "This thing of Ours." He stops the interview at that point, complains about the introduction, saying he was barely in The Goodfellas (true) and that he "had a lot of problems with those people" referring to the Producers of "This Thing of Ours." He was barely in "The Goodfellas" but he was in it and everyone recognizes the title. As for him "having problems with those people," I wonder why? It is because he's a Grade A douche-bag? Finally, his "comedy" sucks, he's not funny, never has been, never will be.
• Hal Sparks: Don't have him on your show, he's a self-righteous dwarf with ten dollars words. He also likes to tell people, who don't think like him that they are stupid. Dude, by now, I'm the only one who remembers you ever hosted "The Soup."