9 Demands I’d Have in the Event of a Strike at Work

Stop N' Shop Workers throughout New England are on strike and have a long list of grievances with their employers. This got me to thinking about what my demands would be, if I were to go on strike. I put together a list:

• Company car - Something weird and crappy, a PT Cruiser perhaps.
• Company flip phone - I miss the flip phone and I'm not looking to soak my employers here with the latest, expensive gadget.
• Wardrobe - This is what they call "thinking outside the box." The fact is, you don't realize how FEW decent outfits you have until your company insists you are filmed with a camera five days a week. I'm gonna need some threads.
• $100 Wegman's gift card - I just love Wegman's. Do you know at Wegman's in Virginia, they have a bar? Yeah, I found that out the fun way. A simple trip to the grocery store became a three hour tour and an Uber bill.
• Oil changes for life - This one is not sexy but it's an extremely sensible request.
• No eye contact - No one can ever make eye contact with me again.
• Regular toilet paper - Not sandpaper. Not a Goose Down pillow. There is a middle ground for toilet paper that doesn't have to result in a trip to the hospital or a clogged toilet.
• No nodding or clapping in meetings - Corporate meetings are too agreeable. I'd like for cold, awkward silences to make a comeback.
• No flip flops - No one can show their toes for any reason, EVER.

Those are my demands or I strike like you read about. What is the one thing, or list of things that has you considering a strike? GO!