Will the reason "Nelson Family" please stand up.

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Not-so-fast, everyone in the world, because there is no salad dressing loving, TV-ready family called "The Nelsons" from Danbury, they don't exist. But that is not what Kraft would have had you believe in the 1990's (Decade of lies), when they released the following commercial.

This is slick Hollywood magic, the family is just good looking enough to be on TV, and not so ugly, you'd think they were from Pittsburgh. They almost make you think for a second, isn't she the one I saw fall off the stage at Tuxedo Junction? Or, wait a second, I saw the guy in the sweater trying to bum smokes outside of Shirley's? No, it can't be. Let's break this down.

LIES - This is the only thing they had to replace for every city in America. 

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Youtube
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Why not just write it with magic marker on printer paper?

GRANDPA - Does he look like any kind of Danbury grandpa you know? 

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Youtube
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Look at grandpa's eyes! Only a bad casting director thinks this kind of misplaced rage is appropriate. We don't get down like that in the Hat City, if grandpa can't get his fury in order, we ship him off to Ridgefield.

GRANDMA JOY - No Grandma in Danbury is that happy. 

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If you've endured as many cold Danbury winters as the woman is supposed to have, you wouldn't be so happy. At that age, she should have something in her eyes that indicates she gave up many of her dreams, to stay here. Also, you try putting up with Grandpa McRageface for 50 years, and see if you're this happy.

PLEASE - Don't even get me started on this one. 

Youtube/Mindless Shelf Indulgence
Youtube/Mindless Shelf Indulgence
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Calm down Terry, it's just salad dressing.

THE KID - What about him? 

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If this family IS real, this kid is now a man and he owns a plumbing company. He'll be the one looking for me with a wrench in his hand and a heart attack in his chest.

Even the person who posted this video to Youtube made note of it when they published the video, they knew it was fake, writing: "Two versions of a Kraft salad dressing commercial, featuring a probably fake family from Danbury CT who are obsessed with sports and salads. If you're not using Kraft salad dressing, can you even call yourself a family?"

P.S. The video had 29 views before I put it in this article. Yes, I wrote that for the reason you think I did.

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