Jimmy Dean is getting in the holiday spirit, offering Christmas-themed items with a twist.

The grand daddy of their holiday offerings is the sausage flavored candy cane. It's all part of their Jimmy Dean Gift Exchange promotion. They will also have sausage flavored lip balm and sausage scented wrapping paper.

Let's take these one at a time because one of them actually has merit:

Sausage flavored candy cane: I love sausage. I love the taste of sausage and wherever that taste is, I want to be there. However, this is confusing to the brain. You have a visual (candy cane) and that visual comes with a taste expectation. When the candy cane tastes like sausage, it bends the mind. Back in July, I read a study from MIT News. In it, they spoke about "Embedded Knowledge." Here is one of the things they had to say on the matter:

Researchers believe that prior experiences change the strength of connections between neurons. The strength of these connections, also known as synapses, determines how neurons act upon one another and constrains the patterns of activity that a network of interconnected neurons can generate.

If I am reading this right, our neuron connections are strengthened through learned experiences. You might be asking yourself: How does this apply to sausages and candy canes? Well, when we see a candy cane, we taste the candy cane, and we have a result -- it tastes like minty sugar. We go on having that experience time and again, with the same taste result, and this then strengthens the neuron connection, thus limiting our taste expectation. Plain and simple, Jimmy Dean is f-----g with your mind, screwing around with your synapses in a most gruesome fashion.

Let's break down some of the other items on Jimmy Dean's holiday gift list:

Sausage scented wrapping paper: This is cruel and unusual punishment. If I am opening a package that smells like sausage, there had better be sausage inside or we are going to war.

Sausage flavored lip-balm: Winner, winner, sausage dinner. Assuming your lady is like mine and loves the meats, this is going to make life very interesting. Let's say you run out of sausage and she knows your lips taste like sausage -- you just became a snack, bro.

Jimmy Dean is one-for-three with their holiday promotion. This is a great average if you are a baseball player, but a terrible average if you are a sausage company, doling out lobotomies with candy canes.

plural noun: lobotomies
Definition: a surgical operation involving incision into the prefrontal lobe of the brain, formerly used to treat mental illness.

Okay, "lobotomy" does not work scientifically here, but for comedic purposes, it will do just fine.

Here's what Ethan thinks of the whole thing, and don't forget to check out some alternatives to the sausage candy cane below:

BONUS: Just in case sausage isn't your thing, here are a few other somewhat delicious, somewhat disgusting candy cane options that may tickle your fancy. Especially if your fancy is a pickle:

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