Why Does Connecticut Smell Like Semen This Week?

Why does our beloved state reek of semen, you ask?

The time of the year is the answer. The semen tree is in full bloom and making its way into your orifices -- namely your nasal passages.

The semen tree, AKA Pyrus Calleryana, AKA Callery Pear, is a filthy beast with an unmistakable funk, and its aroma is running amok in the Constitution State. The tree is native to China and Vietnam, but they are becoming a force here in the states as part of picturesque landscapes at many homes and businesses.

It sure looks pretty, but the street name "semen tree" is not a mistake. Back in 2017, Eloy Rodriguez, a plant biologist at Cornell University (ever heard of it?) told Motherboard this:

The Callery pear emits chemical compounds called volatile amines. Specifically, trimethylamine and dimethylamine. These compounds are derivatives of ammonia, which coincidentally, is also present in semen.

So, there you have it. It actually makes sense that because both the trees and male ejaculate share these similar compounds, people tend to associate the two distinct scents.

Connecticut is so savage right now. Get your act together, CT. Towel off, you are blanketed in shame. You smell like a Chevron bathroom.