REJOICE: America Is in the Midst of a Chicken Wing Surplus
You read the right, the good ole's U.S. of A. has too many wings. According to the Washington Post not only is America overstocked on wings right now but the prices are super low. They say wings are usually the most expensive part of the bird selling for around $2 a pound and are now selling for about half of that. The NCAA Tournament's cancellation meant we just did not purchase or consume what was excepted of us and it's time to get down to work.
Some of us will be skipping meat on the menu today as we observe Good Friday (4/10/20) but we have the entire weekend to do our civic duty and eat ourselves into oblivion. I see a meat storm on the horizon, it's going to be salty, partially spicy with a 100% chance of ingestion followed by disruptive digestion.
Businesses around the country are sucking wind due to the COVID-19 crisis, it's time for you to do your part and belly up to the trough for a mound of wings. Whatever your preference or personal flavor, get your wing on and don't stop til you get enough.
I plan on ordering enough wings to make a meat missile to rocket myself to the moon and have a one man, chicken wing on moon tasting party. This will be perhaps the greatest weekend ever, I will eat millions if not billions of wings and frankly I think it's tremendous.