I don't care for the Oscars. I come for the story of the night, the next day. I watched the highlights of the show, and Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga became the whole show. I have not seen sexual tension like this since Sam and Diane.

When these two finally get to consummating this thing, we may experience earthquakes, volcano eruptions and hurricanes like you read about. Who do they think they are kidding?

They almost forgot they were on TV in front of 1 Billion people -- and Bradley Cooper's girlfriend -- and nearly went at it on the piano. Electric stuff right there. I'm rooting for these crazy kids.

Oh, and a movie won best picture, an actor won best actor and an actress won best actress. Jimmy crack corn and no one cares, because it was a tension convention at that piano. I'd be willing to bet on a baby boom nine months from yesterday. These two will be directly responsible for even more people being born and depleting the natural resources of planet Earth.

They almost kissed -- Did you see that?