West Haven, CT Beaches Have Super-Progressive Policy This Summer: Cash Only
We are right in the sweet-spot of summer, and nothing says sweet like ridiculous policies, just like the one you'll endure at West Haven beaches this summer: cash only.
That's right, according to WFSB, if you travel to any beaches in West Haven this summer (2022), you can only pay for parking with cash. Local officials blame COVID-19. They say the parking meters are broken, and the pandemic has caused supply-chain issues that have prevented them from getting fixed.
They'll also disallow the use of smartphones. Anyone visiting the beach will need to communicate using the method of primitive, interpretive dance. Sunblock will be replaced with natural muds and you're only allowed to park a horse and buggy at the beach.
Haha, those were just jokes. I was being ridiculous, you see, because this is ridiculous. The only one of those baffling things that is actually true is that you'll need cash to enter the West Haven beaches.
I guess it all makes sense in 2022. Thanks to Stranger Things, Kate Bush's 1985 single "Running up that Hill" is the #1 song in America, and thanks to a worldwide sickness, we have to put sweaty $20 bills in our socks. Nostalgia is all the rage, but I never saw this cash thing coming.
Here's another solution for West Haven beaches, how about you let people in for free? If surviving COVID wasn't enough, we're all dealing with paying $5 per gallon of gas, we can't go to a beach for free until your parking slot machines are back?
P.S. I wonder how many things we can blame on COVID-19? I wonder if COVID-19 actually broke all the parking machines, one by one, or the disease itself infiltrated the parking machines and moved around a bunch, until they were all sick.