According to Coming soon and every other celebrity media outlet in the world the sequel to "Fifty Shades of Grey" comes out this weekend. The new one is called "Fifty Shades Darker." Oooh, it's going to be darker. There are no rules this time...oooh.

I saw the first one out of curiosity. The book was all anyone could talk about for a year and the movie had a lot of hype so I figured I would give it a shot. How can you lose right? It's going to be a freaky sex movie starring two attractive people. I watch those all the time. Why not give it a look, right?

I went and it stunk. I could not relate to either person. I know that is crazy to believe. I mean everyone has their own helicopter, a secret sex dungeon and a few billion dollars. And the young lady, what young lady is not excited about the idea of being held at an emotional arms length? Super relate able stuff.

Then you have the sex. I have seen sex in mainstream movies better and more shocking than that. It was just beat all the way around. Now they want me to watch the second one and I don't think that's going to happen. They don't even promote it well. Every time I see an interview with Dakota Johnson she is talking about how awkward and uncomfortable it is shooting sex scenes all day. Then I just feel bad for her. I can't watch this thing, I won't.

Oooh they have masks on, oooooooooohhhh

More From WRKI and WINE