Santaphilic, that's the name of a fetish. People who have this fetish are WAY into Santa Claus.

That's cool if that is your thing. I just want to know what is behind it. I mean, Santa is not what is considered to be classically good looking. He's overweight, he has unkempt grey hair, and he wears the same thing all the time.

Top his looks with his obvious laziness and you have got a lot of reasons to NOT be into him. The guy works once a year and wears velvet pajamas. The guy IS George Costanza.

You add up all of his "qualities" and he is pretty much the opposite of what most women claim to be attracted to.

So what am I missing? I'm sure there is something here involving the "lap sitting" that we don't necessarily want to examine too deeply. Is there more? What is that "more?" What up wit' Santa, y'all?

Read More From the Mind of Lou Milano:

Bonus Video: What Happens When Ethan & Lou Go to Therapy?

Ethan & Lou Explain App Alerts as ONLY They Can