Lou: ‘Add These Wolf Panties to My Birthday Wish List’

It'll be a Happy Birthday indeed. The annual celebration of my birth is right around the corner, and I'm going to need my wife to purchase these.

I'm not the guy who has it all --  I'm the guy who really doesn't want much. There are exceptions, however, and this is one of them. Had I learned about these sooner, I would have wolfed my crotch out years ago. Talk about animal magnetism — this is a whole new level. You can get your wolf underoos at gearpump.com.

What's the height of machismo? The face of a wolf covering your kibbles and your bits is the answer to that question. I'm GOING to get these and I'm only going to wear them on super macho days. What kind of macho activities might I participate in while wearing these MANIMAL PANTIES?

• Burglarizing dynamite.
• Hunting rhinoceroses.
• Lubing engine parts.
• Discussing ball bearings.
• Practicing with my nun-chucks.
• Taunting a black bear.

Those are just some of the activities I might get involved in while wearing my wolf-faced dingle-a-ling sling. I know I am going to have a lot of amazing, sweaty days with these babies on. Happy Birthday to me.