Sign My Change.Org Petition to Ban Man Sandals

This is what my Change.org petition says:

Mandals are sandals that men wear. Some men (lazy men & hippies) will wear them without socks, others (tough guys & trendsetters) will wear them with white socks. All man sandals are bad and all the available options leave the viewers (regular people who have to see them) furious for a variety of reasons. I am calling for sweeping sandal reform, banning the sale or purchase of man sandals by or for men going forward. What will you do at the beach? Good question, I'm SO glad you asked, you already have one pair of sandals and you are allowed to keep them. You are prohibited from wearing sandals anywhere but the beach. Should you be seen in say a retail store as a man, displaying your feet in full view of the public, everyone in the building is permitted to strike you with whatever blunt object is closest. You can of course (by law) can attempt to run away but we will catch you because we are wearing proper footwear. No one wants to see your Eagle talons, it's clear to the rest of us that you sandal wearing fellas have zero interest in caring for your feet before you display them and the rest of us are fed up. Put your "dogs" where they belong, in the "doghouse." You filthy, filthy animals need to be stopped and I am begging anyone who reads this and agrees with it to share, share it so much so we never have to see another dented man hoof again.

Please click the link above or here to sign and join the anti-man foot movement. I can't see another team of dude foot knuckles without getting sick and it's foot knuckle season so let's get on this.