According to Fife Today, 36 year old David Bruce was found guilty of a lewd public act on a taxi cab by a Scottish court in the Dunfermline Sheriff Court. Bruce was found guilty of jumping on the cab with his pants off and rubbing his genitals on it. Court records say the man explained his behavior by saying he was celebrating his team Celtic victory in the Scottish Cup Final.

This is only object David Bruce has been accused of making love to on May 25, 2019. An elderly couple says they saw Bruce attempting to make love to a garden fence before giving it to the taxi. Witness Kathleen Nisbet had this to say of the taxi incident:

He was making thrusting movements and by this time his trousers were down, he was wandering about with his trousers at his ankles and then approached a woman. He was staggering about and then started masturbating for two or three minutes. Eventually he fell on somebody’s path.

I'm not familiar with Scottish soccer or any soccer for that matter but this sounds like one hell of a victory. There is someone out there for everyone, it seems David subscribes to the philosophy that there is something out there for everyone. Love is in the air, can you feel it? Happy Valentine's Day indeed.