Why My Wife Is Not Allowed to Shop at Costco Unsupervised

Ever since that one day when my wife, Mindy, wandered into Costco and rang up a cart-full of stuff to the tune of $675, I had to lay down the law!

We all know that one of the obvious differences between most men and women is the shopping experience. Most guys will reluctantly walk into a store, purchase what they need, and walk out. Most women, on the other hand, will walk into a store, do a couple of laps around, touch and feel the merchandise, and if it's a clothing store, try on a couple of items. We're talking a minimum of two hours and in many cases, they will not buy a thing.

So, Mindy strolls into Costco one day with one of their shopping carts the size of a Winnebago, and proceeds to navigate down each and every aisle. She filled her cart with the following items:

1. 1-Case of copy paper
2. 4-Padded fold-up chairs
3. 1-Foldable 6' table
4. 428 AA batteries
5. 2-Cases of Keurig coffee
6. 1-Car Battery (just in case)
7. 1-New umbrella for the deck
8.  8-Loaves of bread (you can always freeze some)
9. 4-dozen Rome apples
10. 5 lbs of strawberries
11. 2-Bundt cakes (you never know who's going to drop by)
12. $96 worth of strip steaks
13. 1-case of canned corn
14. 1-case of canned peas
15. 1-case of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese
16. 2-Packages of Skinny Cows
17. 5-Packages of boneless chicken breasts
18. 1-bottle of Advil the size of my head
19. 1-Large box of dog biscuits (WE DON'T HAVE A DOG! SHE DIED!)
20. 1-Sled for Bradley our grandson
21. 5-Outfits for Winter our grand daughter
22. 2-Cases of Bertoni Penne Pasta
23. 2-Cases of Bertoni Sauce with mushrooms and garlic
24. 1-broom so I could sweep the kitchen floor
25. 1-mop so I mop the kitchen floor
26. 2-Cases of Muscle Milk (to get more protein in her diet)

I assume you get the idea. When she couldn't fit another item into her cart, not to mention that some of the items kept falling out as she maneuvered the cart to the checkout, she whips out her Costco card and debit card, and now she's ready to spend some serious cash. When she realized that her Costco mega-purchase added up to $675, she muttered something like, "Huh, how did that happen? My husband will freak."

She then proceeded to leave Costco empty handed. By the way, she bitched ME out once for buying a vat of Gulden's Brown Mustard.

Don't get me wrong. I love Costco and I love my wife dearly, but the rule is that I do all the grocery shopping and she does all the skydiving. Now you know why Mindy is not allowed to shop at Costco unsupervised.

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