It’s Time For Personal Space Laws in Connecticut

Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David brought awareness to the issue of "close-talkers."

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They also made Americans aware of "low-talkers" and in the same vein I would like to draw attention to a massive problem in Connecticut, "close-standers."

I've noticed that people are standing way too close to me and I've seen it happen to others as well. Recently I've found myself in a wide array of social situations where strangers were standing IN my personal space.

Look, I'm a pragmatic guy, I understand that if I go to a concert or get on the subway that I am going to forfeit any and all personal space. What I am talking about here are open-air situations, rooms that will allow for everyone to have personal space.

I was in line at the Walgreens the other day (hell on Earth) and a woman was standing on my shoe. It was not foot palm, over footbridge BUT she had her foot partially on top of mine and there was plenty of room to be had, away from me.

If I raise my arms for a good yawn and my arm touches someone, we have a problem. Why was that person standing so close to me to begin with? It's enough already with everyone breathing the air that was intended for my face. I

People are gross, I don't want to be in the vicinity of your juices and hairs. You know how many times I've coughed or sneezed in the last year? The answer is 3, and three is about 6 times too many.

Here is the law I am proposing:

"It shall be illegal to enter the personal space (4-foot imaginary bubble) of another individual where situations allow for such space for all persons in a given room. Anyone found in violation of this law is subject to fines of up to $5,000 and as much as three years in prison." 

Do you remember the glory days (COVID times) when personal space was insisted upon? COVID was the golden era for people staying away from people. I miss that breathing room.

Has self-awareness completely eroded? Have we abandoned all shame and replaced it with vibes? We are too close to one another. There are exactly 5 people that should be touching me, that is my wife and four children and anyone else who "accidentally" presses flesh should be brought to justice.

Folks, I had a woman yell in my mouth. She was trying to get the attention of her running child and she screamed in my mouth because she was far too close to me to begin with. This has got to stop, work with me here. This is not about my personal anger which is substantial, this is about freedom and the American way.

P.S. Don't confuse this with "safe spaces" I don't believe in those, Earth is dangerous. What I am talking about here is a little respect for me and you.