Look Who Is Trying to Ruin My Thanksgiving

This is Erica, she is my wife, she's terrific but she's messing up Thanksgiving. My Thanksgivings have always played out a certain and way and I want them to stay that way. Follow me.

• Thanksgiving starts at Noon.
• We all have a mimosa or some kind of drink.
• We sit down for antipasto at like 12:30, we eat.
• We take a break, lay on the couch and watch football.
• At around 3pm we get to the table for course number two, we eat.
• We take a break and watch football.
• Then at around 5:30, we go to the table and do the turkey and stuffing.
• Everyone is in bed by 9pm.

That's how I like it.

We are hosting this year and last night Ms. Erica hits me with the start time for Thanksgiving...6:30pm. THAT'S RIGHT!!!!! 6:30! I can't go for that, no can do. While the rest of you are enjoying Thanksgiving with your loved ones, I'll be pacing around like a lunatic waiting for it to start.

This is not just me being stubborn about tradition. I'm OK with starting new ones, I'm flexible, I'm good like that. The real problem is, I'm an early to bed, early to rise type. The best version of Lou, the funniest, happiest, brightest version of me is available between the hours of 7AM and 4PM. That's the best way I can put it.

Start times ruin everything I love. Sunday Night Football, Monday Night Football, playoff baseball, all are ruined for me by the time they start. This is just like that. Let's get it together Erica.

P.S. Erica has already put two full days into planning a beautiful Thanksgiving for us, not for her but for us. She's amazing, she's tireless, she's beautiful and she's married to an angry old man. Love you and all you do for us. It's just that if we start at 6:30, I can't be as funny, I'll be too tired.