High Levels of Ozone Headed to Danbury – Bad News for Most, Good News for Tanning Addicts

According to the Department of Energy and Environmental Protection via the News Times, our upcoming forecast includes dangerous ozone levels. This means our air will be not-so-awesome for "sensitive groups," as the News Times put it.

I don't know what that means.

I'm assuming "sensitive groups" refers to people with breathing issues, the elderly, and people with asthma, so they may want to take it easy. I also am not sure what ozone levels are. I know the deteriorating ozone layer is supposed to protect us from harmful rays, and that I shouldn't spend long periods of time spraying TRESemme up into the atomsphere because of it, but that would be the extent of my knowledge on the matter.

I can tell you who is psyched about our ozone layer falling apart, is people who love tanning themselves into walking, charred strips of bacon. Like that tanning lady on YouTube:

Here is what a conversation would go like between that lady and I:

Me - "Hey lady, you got some s--t on your face." 

Tanning Lady - "Where?"

Me - "Your face. All of it."

There you go, folks. Put on your sunscreen this week. I recommend an SPF 4,000 after watching that tanning lady's YouTube video.