For as long as we've had humans, we've had heavy-volume pathways.

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We must derive some comfort or pleasure from traveling from one place to another in packs, otherwise why would we do it?

If we've been comfortable doing this is the modern world, you wouldn't know it from the messages we share. Humans, specifically Americans, we love to hurl ourselves into traffic and then find clever ways to bitch about it.

And nobody complains more than a pack of CT motorists. You see, if you're not from here, you may not be aware that we have a very specific and agitating problem on Connecticut highways. There are these sub-human, goblin looking creatures that drive slow in the fast lane.

No matter where you go in the Nutmeg State, you'll find one, setting the pace of the passing lane at 45 mph. Because this happens so often, we have to appoint a representative to create a meme about it each week. The memes are a helpful reminder to these folks that this behavior is unacceptable and will not be tolerated.

This week's "Don't Drive Like That Meme Representative" is u/AquaNines from the CT Reddit page who posted:

Thank you u/AquaNines, your service is much appreciated. This is the way it actually goes. This is a fair description of the people you'll find in each CT highway lane.

LEFT: 

  • People trying to go fast so they can get home and be with the family they love.
  • A-holes with a God complex
  • Psychos who are so dead set on telling people how to live their lives that they'll actually block a moving, 2-ton solid object with another 2-ton solid object.
  • Hall monitor types

CENTER LANE:

  • People who forgot they were driving
  • People about to pass the left-lane people, on their right
  • Cops

RIGHT LANE:

  • Terrified drivers
  • People who've given up in every way/Dead inside
  • Dads/Moms teaching their teenagers how to drive and pretending like they're safe drivers.

The struggle is real.

This has been "Name Calling with Lou." See you next week when I breakdown Youtube videos of men trying to explain "Flow State."

P.S. The Smithsonian says we started migrating in groups about 80,000 years ago. If I had a time machine, I'd go back to Africa, to that moment in time and tell them about the Stamford corridor on I-95 in CT. Maybe give them some bullet points on Exits 4-5 on I-84 in Danbury and I'd wrap up my lesson with an education of the Merrit Parkway. I think everyone may have changed their mind and sheltered in place.

Want more CT News and information? If so, check out the Ethan, Lou & Large Dave Podcast. The show is available wherever you get your podcasts, including Apple and Spotify. The program is the same one we do on the radio but with limited commercials and no music. You can also listen live by streaming the show on the I-95 Rock Mobile app, or tune into I-95 (95.1FM).

10 Wild But True Facts About CT Roads + Motorists

Each year, the average American spends 54 hours a year in traffic. We are out on the roads so often we are bound to learn a few things about the roads themselves and our fellow drivers but there are some things many of us will miss. Here are some wild but true facts about Connecticut's roads and motorists that you may not know.

Poll Ranks Greater-Danbury Towns 1-7 for Traffic Problems, Hat City Wins + Loses

Recently, I ran a poll to find out which town has the worst traffic problems in the Greater-Danbury area. I set out to rank the towns in order of the aggravation. 

The towns up for consideration were:

  • Danbury 
  • Brookfield
  • Bethel
  • Newtown 
  • Ridgefield 
  • New Milford
  • New Fairfield 

The respondents were all current or former residents of the Greater-Danbury Area. I also made sure that I gathered some hilarious comments. #1 is the worst, having the most complaints and #7 is the best of the towns, receiving the least complaints. I counted all the votes from the respondents, and this is how it all worked out.
Photo: Aurora Photography
Photo: Aurora Photography
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