A Marriage Story By Lou Milano

This past Saturday, Halloween (10/31/20) my wife Erica and I had plans to take the kids to my mother and fathers house. On paper, it was setting up to be a great night for all ages.

Due to the pandemic, we were going to keep it a small family gathering. The kids would dress up, we had candy ready and each adult was positioned in an upstairs bedroom with the treats, this way the kids could go trick or treating in the house.

All the grown ups were responsible for bringing a dish for dinner, some candy and whatever they would be drinking. There would be music, food and laughs. I was coming off one hell of a week at work and in the gym, not bragging, it's extremely relevant.

We had plans to be at my moms house by 5 pm so around 3 o'clock I went to my bedroom and took a nap so I'd be fresh for the party. I woke up with a perfect amount of time to take a shower, pack up the car and help with the kids.

I woke up, almost as sore as I was, before I went to bed. Our bedroom door was open, Erica was in the kitchen, within ear shot of me. I sat up from a lying position and made a groaning noise.

I set my feet on the floor, stood up and my chronic knee pain kicked in immediately, I groaned again, loudly. I limped out of the bedroom and down the hall to see what needed to be done before we left.

Erica took one look at me, my anguished face, took the groans into consideration and yelled, "If this is how the night is going to start!"

I replied "whoa!" "Calm down, what the hell?" and "Are you serious?" because you have to in that situation even if there iare years of behavior that work in favor of her reaction.

Seriously, If you were in my house for the first time and witnessed this, you might think, this lady is nuts but she has her reasons that are based on years of me complaining about everything and everyone for no reason.

This time, it was just groaning, in response to physical pain instead of the exclaiming the opening note of a complaint song that plays on loop, all night.

It's my new thing now, I will take every opportunity, I can to use the words "If this is how the night is going to start!" If I time that response just right, to something she says, I can either make her laugh or make her angry enough to throw a dish at my head. I count both of those results as a victory for me.

Now I need a t-shirt that says, "If this is how the night's going to start!" That will really piss her off.