Nothing Says, ‘Happy Holidays’ Like Surgery

See that photo? There is a guy delighted to be where he is.

Yes, we must not only live our lives but document every single minute. I was not pumped about the surgery or this photo -- hence the thumbs up.

It's not the pain of the surgery. It's not the concern for my own physical health or the worry about being knocked out cold that aggravates me. All of that is semi-tolerable. What gets me about surgery is two-fold. You have the inconvenience and lack of control.

Not being in control has, and always will, bother me a lot. You are handing the driver seat to your body over to total strangers and saying, "hope you don't kill me." Then, there is the inconvenience of the whole day. Whatever plans you had that day, kiss them goodbye.

The worst of it all though, is they take your pants and dress you like an ass-clown. I was not at the surgical center for ten minutes before they had me half naked and were shaving my legs. It's a vulnerable state to be in. If you decide, for whatever reason, at the last minute, that you wanna bolt, you have some serious obstacles. You have to tear loose from the I.V., Then you have to locate your pants, your wedding ring, and your shoes, and try and break out of a high security area. Everyone else has a time advantage on stopping you from escaping, because you know they have their pants and shoes.

I will say, as far as these things go -- the best surgery I have ever had. They had to scope the knee. Years ago, this was a much longer surgery with seriously painful after effects. The length of surgery was literally 15 minutes, and today, I am walking without crutches. Modern medicine is an amazing thing, so is what they charge for it. So, thank you to my doctors and nurses.

P.S. I told the nurse I fart when I am nervous. No kidding, and we laughed and laughed until I actually farted. Then I was the only one laughing.