Italy Says Yes to Public Diddle Time

According to CNN you can pleasure yourself in Italy legally as long as it's not in the presence of a minor. That according to the CNN report comes from Italy's supreme court.OK, as a proud Italian-American I can say that before and after this ruling I am a proud Italian-American. American being the operative word.

I love my heritage, I love and loved my Great Grandma Rocco. She was first generation and spoke not a word of English. My family name and background bring me great pride and they should. Italian immigrants from her generation were a huge part of how this country was built. You can find Italian cuisine in every corner of America. Italian masons, architects and construction workers have had a hand in every great structure in our country. Frank Sinatra and Joe Dimaggio rose above greatness in their respective fields to become American icons. There are argueabely 3-4 films that portray the Italian-American mafia that are widely considered among the top 20 movies ever made. The contributions of Italian-Americans in this country are undeniable.

I am Italian-American and proud of it. However I am not Italian. I have never been there. I hope to go one day but it's not my country. I don't have to defend this.

You cannot let your Supreme Court rule that people can 'go see a man about a dog' in public and look people in the eye. You can't get a handful of Genoa Salami and do what you want with people around. You cannot allow people (men) to take a trip to 'Party Town.' You can't be all 'Touch and Go' without repercussions. You cannot 'Take it Down to Chinatown' in Big Italy.

When I was a kid my family referred to the male anatomy as the braciole. Braciole is an Italian dish that before sliced resembles an enormous ding-a-ling. You can't bring the braciole to the street fair. You just can't.

The most hilarious part is that their Supreme Court ruled that sure, you can diddle yourself in public but just don't do it in front of kids. I'm no Italian Census official but I am going to go ahead and guess that the Italian public includes children. That's all...the stain lifter that's all.

Just to appease my Italian-American friends I will gladly remind people of the great things we have done.

What you won't see in there is Snooki or any member of the cast of the Real Housewives of New Jersey. We don't claim them as ours. Italy get your Supreme Court in order or we will send you those reality TV stars back.