Home Repairs and I Just Don’t Get Along [VIDEO]

I acquired the "American Dream" back in 1984, which means I've been a home owner for 31 years now. There should be strict laws in place barring people like me from owning a home. Let me explain. 

Just looking at the above photo causes me to break into a cold sweat. I have been labeled a "Don't-Do-It-Yourselfer" which means I'm unable to fix anything around my house....nothing, nada, zippo! Sheetrock...no way! Fix a hole in the wall?....not a chance. Painting?......sloppy but passable. Seal my driveway?.....Yeah right! Am I not correct in saying that sons learn from their fathers? Of course I am. Well, that's unfortunate, because he knew jack squat about any kind of home repair and passed that lack of knowledge down to me, his first born.

One thing I can do is mow my lawn, which gives me a sense of accomplishment and makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. The problem is.....I mow my lawn a lot, sometimes two or three times per week just because I can do it, and I do it quite well. There's nothing quite like the smell of fresh mowed grass, not to mention the pungent fumes of the gasoline when you overfill your mower's gas tank.

I have no business owning a home, which doesn't help in the self-confidence department. Just take one look at a contractor, he's macho with tattoos, a pickup truck filled with all sorts of stuff I know nothing about, a tool belt, five different kinds of ladders, a glue gun, a leveler so he doesn't put a door on crooked, electric drills and saws, etc. What have I got? I've got a 6cc electric drill. I don't even know what a "cc" is. Honestly the drill belongs to Mindy. I have to ask permission to use it. To make matters even worse, my next door neighbor, Fred, works on his house every weekend. While Mindy and I are pulling out of the driveway for a day on our pontoon boat, there's Fred putting in a chimney or a deck. How many freakin' flower beds does one house need?! Why does he need two entrances to his driveway for God's sake?! He even built a little house for his outdoor propane tank! Who does that?! As we drive away, we try to be neighborly and give Fred a big smile and a wave. Fred scowls while he's picking up my dog's poop and gives me the finger!