Brawl Breaks Out Over Crab Legs at a Chinese Buffet in Connecticut

Your buffet etiquette better be on-point, or you could lose a limb over these crab legs. 

According to the News Times, two people were arrested after battling over crab legs at the Royal Buffet in Manchester, CT. A 21-year-old man reportedly had his tooth chipped, and got a bloody lip in the altercation. That man's mother apparently used pepper spray on the man attacking him.

So, we have a tooth-chipper running around a buffet, and a mother packing poisonous spray in her purse. The buffet is not what it used to be when I was a child, let me tell you. I remember a time where I could go to the buffet, eat all the crab legs I wanted, and leave the establishment without being choke slammed. You could go to dinner back then without any weaponry or armed guards. Moms could enjoy dinner with their adult children without the threat of violence.

The whole game has changed. It's a new world order. You see, you cannot just simply go to a buffet anymore. You have to have a plan. I went to a buffet not long ago with my wife and our son. I observed a man who waited alone at a table with an empty plate. I thought this was odd, so I watched more closely. At some point, he finally sprang into action. He leaped from his chair, wind sprinted to one food stand in particular. THE CRAB LEGS. The most dangerous food in all the buffet universe. Yes, he waited for a fresh batch to come out, and he picked that plate clean. He took every single last crab leg, and sat down and ate them all. I realized at that moment that I was in WAY over my head. I had no strategy to speak of. I randomly wandered from station to station picking up this and that. In the end, I did not eat one morsel of crab, and I only have myself to blame.

The next time I will have a strategy. I'll be ready. I'm going in my most comfortable exercise clothes so I can move swiftly. I'll be packing heat, and my family will be at home. It's just too dangerous for them. I'll come home with a pile of crab for the whole family to enjoy.

It's dangerous out there, take precautions. You've been warned.