WARNING: Tighty Whiteys & Skinny Jeans Increase Infertility

If your pants are so tight that everyone can see your business, you are running the risk of being infertile. According to results from the University of Sheffield study published in the Telegraph, tight underwear and pants seriously decrease your chances of making a baby.

Now, I have three kids already, so infertility is welcome to me at this point. In fact, I go home and put on super tight pants, and stand with my junk dangerously close to the microwave while it's on. I'm all about that.

But, for those of you young bucks that want to make a baby, you need to let your boys breathe. Give 'em some air, if you know what I mean.

"I'm out there, Jerry, and I'm lovin' every minute of it!"

You probably stand a better chance of actually attracting a woman to procreate with if you throw away the skinny jeans, and you keep your pants factory running at high capacity, so it's a win-win situation.

Now, if we could just get science to tell us that fedoras are a health risk, then we would be on our way. I don't know who is in charge of these fashion trends, but I am not a fan. Baggy blue jeans with a black or white t-shirt. That's how I live my life.