According to doctors looking to make money off of suckers via the NY Post, you can now have the results of a traditional breast lift without the surgery.

The Vampire Breast Lift is the newest cosmetic procedure that can get you youthful, heaving breasts all over again. In the procedure, doctors apparently inject your breasts with your own blood. The theory is that it creates new tissue, more blood, and hopefully better and more exciting breasts. The doctors who perform the procedure claim that the platelets in the plasma stimulate the body's natural stem cells...Blah, blah blah. The cost is conveniently not mentioned in the NY Post video, the woman looks seriously uncomfortable, and I'm simply not buying it. I guess they do not care if I am buying it, however, because it's not for me.

The lengths ladies will go to improve their appearance is astonishing. We (dudes) don't go to any lengths, because we are terrible. Some days, I don't even want to brush my hair, so I wear a hat.

If you are a lady considering this, let me just tell you something that we have told you so many times, but you need to hear it again. Even if you are not happy with your "Uptown Girls", WE LOVE THEM. You can't improve on a classic. Even if they are not what they once were, we are fans. So cool it with the knives and needles, bro.

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