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The 10 Commandments of Waterbury

And on the 8th day, God created the Brass City.

I’ve long said that Waterbury is the center of the universe. Maybe it’s because I’ve grown up in the shadow of the Mixmaster, which is such a marvel of engineering that it looks like it might have been created by the Almighty.

But it started me thinking about Holy Land, on top of that mountain, with the beautiful cross that shines so bright over our fair city.

Related: The Best Places to Get Punched in the Face in Waterbury

What if Moses had suddenly reappeared, and walked down Ridge Street to Baldwin carrying those two tablets? What would they say? Here are some of my smart ass ideas as to what those Ten Commandments would look like.


1

Thou Shalt Not Swim in the Lakewood Reservoir

 

 

Ewwwwwwww. I remember back in the day when the Italian Festival was held here. A kid jumped in, and emerged with slime all over his back. I almost tossed up my capicola — almost.

 
Credit - Google
Credit – Google

2

Thou Shalt Not Covet Thy Neighbor Cheshire’s wealth

 

 

Head down East Main, past Blackie’s, and you start seeing clean streets. They can swim fast, and they drive nice cars, so don’t be jealous.

 
Credit - Google
Credit – Google

3

Thou Shalt Not Road Rage Through the Construction Zone on I-84

 

 

Give someone the finger, then try to get away through bumper to bumper traffic all day and all night — They’ll catch up to you quickly, bad move.

 
Credit - Google
Credit – Google

4

Thou Shalt Not Deface the Holy Land cross

 

 

No description needed, it’s just dumb. Plus, Neil O’Leary and his force are watching you.

 
Credit - Large Dave
Credit – Large Dave

5

Thou Shalt Eat Frankie’s in the Warm Summer Months

 

 

There’s nothing like hitting Frankie’s on Watertown Ave after catching a game at the stadium in the Summertime. Nothing.

 
Credit - Large Dave - burp
Credit – Large Dave – burp

6

Thou Shalt Honor the Blessed Sweet Maria

 

 

You’ll think you’ve died and gone to heaven after you eat anything that comes out of this Waterbury treasure. Don’t die, though. We need to keep her in business.

 
Credit - Google
Credit – Google

7

Thou Shalt Honk Your Horn and Yell “Fore!” as You Drive Past East Mountain Golf Course

 

 

Why? Because being a jerk and distracting a golfer is fun for us dumb folks.

 
Credit - Google
Credit – Google

9

Thou Shalt Feel Italian as You Drive Down Highland Ave.

 

 

AYYYYY PAISAN! Let’s go grab a pop at D’Amelio’s, another next door to HBC, get a grinder at Avventura’s, and pick up some sfogliatellas at the IGA. Salut!

 
Credit - Google
Credit – Google

10

Thou Shalt Not Expect to Meet Thy Future Wife at Mr. Happy’s

 

 

I know that I’m going to incur the wrath of the 1,527 gentlemen that have actually done this over the many years at this Waterbury institution. But, there, I said it.

 
Credit - Google
Credit – Google

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