The sensitivity police are back at it -- classifying the word "freshman" as "not cool".

Not only that, but they are helpful enough to give you a replacement so you can seamlessly meander into the brave new world where no one EVER has their feelings hurt.

According to Fox News, the words "freshman" and "upperclassmen" at Yale are out. They are going for a more gender-neutral, mass-appeal, safe-space feel. The Dean told the Yale newspaper that the new terms that are OK to use are "first year" and "upper-level" student.

Boom! Problem solved. Good thing we got the MAN out of "fresh" and "upper class". How did we go so many years with such archaic terms, no doubt decimating the self-esteem of young women everywhere?

This is a win-win for sure. Now, I feel safer. I feel that the feelings of young women everywhere are safer. I know I will sleep better knowing that those hateful classifications are in the trash.

We still have a lot of work to do, though, if we are to eradicate the evil penis undercurrent that permeates our entire culture as Americans. I'm going to start by petitioning to have Shania Twain's song, "Man, I feel like a woman" changed to "Woman, I feel like a woman." I hope you will join me in this crucial crusade. Alliteration aside, guys, this is serious business. Feelings are at stake for lady Jesus' sake.