According to the NY Post there is a new line on fetish wear that is compatible with your phone so you can play music with it. The Tormenta Fetishwear head gear introduces three new products that act as both headphones and frightening sex head apparatus.

You can go with the "Fleet Ilya Tormenta Cage" which will run you a cool $6450. Then the larger "Fleet Ilya Zip Cage" at $5275. Finally, there is the "Tormenta Chain Padlock Cuffs" for the low, low price of just $995.

Now of course this is a collaborative effort because brilliant ideas like this come from a team of visionaries. See if you can follow me on this because this is where the Post almost lost me.

The main fashion line that produces this is SSENSE, they have a bondage division called Fleet Ilya. Fleet Ilya worked with Venezuelan producer/songwriter Arca to come up with this idea. Of course Arca has worked with self proclaimed geniuses Kanye West and Bjork. You got all that? Me either.

Now just for the sake of conversation let's pretend I'm into bondage, I'm not but let's go that way for now. So I buy these mutant bondage headphones to really set the mood in the dungeon. I'm all strapped up for a bondage sex session and away we go.

Some songs in my Itunes playlist are gonna work great here. I mean I truly have some stuff in there that I think will be appropriate for bondage relations. Here are a few of those:

Remember these guys?

NIN - Perfect bondage, dungeon material.

The sex is going well the music is appropriate and my new headgear is a big hit. You couldn't ask for more, then all of the sudden my Itunes launches into the next song in my playlist.

YEAH, I KNOW!. I forgot I left it on shuffle. Now I am tripping over the whips, the chains, bent over trying to find my phone to get it off of shuffle with my butt cheeks hanging out and I have RUINED the this dungeon session.

COMING SOON TO A THEATER NEAR YOU - "Fifty Shades of Embarrassment" Co-Starring Lou Milano and Idina Menzel.