First, I will give you the short list of foods you can serve.

Acceptable food options for Memorial Day:

  • Beef
  • Chicken
  • Pork

Acceptable drink options for Memorial Day:

  • Budweiser
  • Jack Daniel's

Unacceptable food options for Memorial Day:

  • Braised Lamb Cheeks - The only cheeks I should see should be escaping out the bottom of some ladies' Daisy Duke's.
  • Kombucha - Apparently, this is some sort of a culture that hipsters grow in jars in there home. It is said to taste like some sort of a culture that hipsters grow in jars in there home.
  • Artisanal foods of any kind - In fact, if you say the word artisanal on Memorial Day, the other guests beat you with a tube sock filled with brown sugar.
  • Vegan cookies - GO HOME, HIPPIE!
  • Fried Zucchini Blossoms - No blossoms of any kind.
  • Wasabi Peas - Get a hold of yourself.
  • Homemade Ketchup - We will use Heinz, thank you very much.

Unacceptable drink options:

  • Pabst Blue Ribbon - It is the choice drink for hipsters, and is no longer welcome in the home of any self-respecting American
  • Any caffeine based drink that ends in 'cino' - No caps, no fraps. Take your devil juice, and hit the road.

In all seriousness, the most important thing you can remember to do on Memorial Day is to reflect on the sacrifices made by our brave, fallen veterans, who gave their lives for ours. 

P.S. - If you wear a fedora or fingerless gloves, you will be turned over to the authorities and deported. Best Memorial Day wishes to all.

 

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