According to the News Times, a New Canaan resident spotted a mountain lion late last week on Marvin Ridge Road. The animal was described as three and a half feet long and beige. There was another sighting in the same area just three months ago, according to the report.

The good news is the mountain lion does not run in packs. Bad news, they can run like 40 MPH and have a range of 370 miles. This means, if my math is correct, they could be in Danbury in like the next six and a half minutes. What do they want? Our women and our precious metals, of course.

Consider this, you are out for your morning speed walk, elbows in, pony tail sticking out of the back of your salmon hat, and you see a mountain lion. Assuming the lion wants to eat you, you don't even have time to consider if what you are seeing is real. You don't have time to grab a stick, or review your last karate lesson — if it wants to eat you, you are dead. All you wanted to do was go for a walk. Here's me demonstrating the morning speed walk mentioned above:

It's not just the lions, tigers and bears, my friends. Wildlife in CT is out of control. This morning, I encountered some "jive ass turkeys." Here's how that conversation went:

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