OK, yes this picture is two years old and now I look like a big, fat, Irish, wind-blown hairball. Whatever. I need a gigolo profile picture.  So what should I put in my profile?

1.) I'm a ginger, and we are SO HOT right now. Ginger stock has never been higher.  Fifty Shades of Grey, that dude is supposed to be a ginger in the book, I heard. Also, Olympian Shaun White and other notables I cannot think of right now.

2.) Packing hammer ... self explanatory.

3.) Loves to spoon. Ladies love the spoon, but sorry I'm the little spoon.

4.) Knows how to party. Really, you have no idea.

5.) Showers multiple times a day. Gotta keep it nice.

6.) I own a car. I can pick you up, and drop you off (that's what she said).

7.) I'm a business man. Seriously, I have business cards and everything. They are in my car

8.)  Loves animals, but does not own one. That's key, chicks dig a dude that loves animals, but they don't wanna care for yours.

9.) I don't smoke weed. Completely harmless drug, unless you dig motivation.

10.) EOE. That stands for Equal Opportunity Employment in case you were wondering.  What does that mean? I like all kinds, I am the Baskin-Robbins of chicks. I like ALL 31 flavors.

Now that we have that straight let's dig on some Matthew Wilder. JUST CAUSE.

 

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