You have to make one bad decision after another in life to lead you to a place where you pass by a vending machine, see this and decide buying it is a good idea. You literally have no standards if you buy and eat a bear claw that was made months ago, shipped across the country and aged in a metal box.

I wonder if when the vending machine guy puts the bear claw in the machine and says "today is the day." He must just shake his head in disappointment when he has to collect the uneaten bear claws from his machines.

Nothing says high end cuisine like lukewarm cream cheese enveloped in a dry fried pouch. The fact that this product is available for sale in a vending machine means that people actually do buy it here and there. That means the alcohol abuse problem in this country is a lot worse than I thought it was. What kind of a hangover do you have to have to eat this?

If you are dying to get your hands on this delicious snack just head here to the radio station, cruise into our kitchen and you will find it in our vending machine. NOM NOM