The Most Practical Thing to Steal From Kim Kardashian Has to Be Her Undies

I've never understood the idea of a cat burglar stealing high-end art. What do you do once you have it? You have to find someone to fence it for you. I have been around the block a few times, and I'm not proud to say it, but I have met criminals of all kinds. I have never, however, met an art fence or, for that matter, a stolen jewelry dealer.

So, what is the best thing you could steal from Kim Kardashian that you could easily turn a buck on? That's easy -- panties. Facts are facts. Guys are creeps. I have seen many a website where women can sell their used underwear and men can buy them. Some websites, which I will not link you to, will sell the panties of average Janes for as much as $80.

I would have to imagine that I could turn around and sell Kim Kardashian's underoos on the streets easily for $500 to $600 in a hurry. Now, you just have the problem of proving they belonged to Kim. I have a solution for that too. When you are robbing her, you have to take a selfie with her of her holding the underwear. That's irony in a vacuum, right there.

Now, I have to go do something productive, because I have spent the past hour contemplating a panty theft, and I am supposed to be a grown up.