That's the most mutated toe I have ever seen in my life, and it's been close to me for years without me knowing it.

It belongs to my Uncle Pete or the "Angry Uncle." I noticed it for the first time at a family wedding last week. Maybe that is why he is so angry. Maybe it's where he stores his anger -- in his radioactive toe.

Lou's phone

Once I noticed this over-sized hunk of hoof flesh, I obsessed over it the whole weekend. I brought it up at the dinner table, the actual wedding, and at all the family activities surrounding the wedding. My wife, Erica, thinks I am obsessed with feet, both good ones and bad ones. I would disagree strongly. I'm not obsessed, rather I am concerned.

I'm concerned that it took me all these years to notice. Maybe it took me so long because it was not that big when I met him over 20 years ago. Maybe it's been growing. If that is the case, it could continue to grow, and seek to destroy us all.

It's also possible that I just did not notice and it's always been that size. In that case, I'm concerned for my uncle. I would get that thing checked by a physician -- it could be a ticking time bomb.

This toe is not OK with me and it should not be OK with you. What should we all do about it? This is messed up, man.

P.S. #1 - His toe is not the only exclamation point on his body. This guy has been smuggling midgets in his calves forever. Either that, or there is a hidden zipper on them and he is a drug mule for the Mexican drug cartels.

Lou's phone

P.S. #2 - My Uncle's name is Pete Morelli. I'm not afraid to tell you who it is and neither is he. He lives in Brewster, NY. Go ask him about his toe or his calves, he will be happy to talk to you about either one.

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