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Florida Lifeguard Takes Job Too Seriously and Shark Reminds Him Who is Boss

Around the Games - Olympics: Day 1
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According to the Bradenton Herald, 44 year old lifeguard Elvin Lanza was attacked by a shark over the weekend and taken to a local hospital. Mr. Lanza is a lifeguard at a nude beach called Haulover Beach. After spotting what appeared to be a bull shark Elvin hopped on his water bike and chased it with a paddle. The shark eventually bit him. He is expected to make a full recovery from the two bites.

You have two things to do as a lifeguard at a nude beach in Florida. #1, make sure people don’t drown. #2, stop old naked people with beef jerky skin from having sex in public. That’s it, that’s your job and that is all. If you see a shark like this man did you should probably advise people to get out of the water and call it a day. What you don’t do is get on a recreational vehicle with no motor and swing at the shark with a paddle.

This is another example of people taking their job too seriously. THAT IS NOT TO MINIMIZE THE IMPORTANCE OF THE JOB OF A LIFEGUARD. THAT IS NOT TO SAY THAT THEIR JOB IS EASY. Let’s just please use our heads. You’re not the Charles Bronson of the sea. You don’t have to go all all Liam Neeson on the shark. I realize it’s a nude beach and ding-a-lings are a swingin’ but at some point personal responsibility has to rule the day.

What other jobs do people take too seriously? Mall cop always comes to mind but in this day and age I guess that’s not even true. Do you have a story of a person given the most minuscule shred of authority that took things too far? I wanna hear it.

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