At 2'10", Little Sassy Cassee is advertised as the world's smallest adult entertainer, but she is larger than life in the eyes of Ethan "Zeniffer Aniston" Carey. She climbs a sixteen foot pole faster than a speeding bullet. She is all entertainment.

When I informed him that he missed his chance to see Cassee in New York City, he literally fell out of his chair, curled up in the fetal position, and balled his eyes out. I have not seen disappointment like that in years. He was crushed. He looked sadder than Ryan Gosling in the Notebook when Rachel McAdams left his side. Ethan immediately grew a beard, and kept repeating, "If you're a bird I'm, a bird." It was odd, to say the least.

I made a promise at that very moment. I knew I could not let my friend down, and I made an advanced purchase of tickets to see Sassy at her next stop in NYC. When I told him, he was elated. He said:

I'm so happy! She can climb that pole like a ring-tailed lemur.

I love you, Ethan. If you're a bird, I'm a bird.