Dumb-Ass Barbecue Accessories [PHOTOS]
I'm one of those idiots who doesn't have an issue shoveling a path to my gas grill during the dead of winter.
With the Brews and Barbecue Festival scheduled for Saturday, May 14, at the Ives Concert Park, I've secured the help of the Huffington Post to make sure you're in the know about some of the more idiotic barbecue accessories.
1. Grill Combs - Just stop it right now! Look at these things. Who are you trying to impress? Your buddy from Westport? He may be the only one that looks at you like you're not a true herb. No one has these around their grill area unless they have more money than God, and are just looking to spend it on something. If you've already purchased these Grill Combs, send them back immediately, and come to your senses and buy the wooden or metal skewers. You're welcome.
2. Cast Iron Creme Brulee Set - If you live anywhere else but in Greenwich, Darien, New Caanan, Ridgefield, or Westport, dispense with trying to make Creme Brulee on your grill. I'm sure your grill, situated near your hot tub, looks like a Boeing 777 with all the bells and whistles, but do you really want to dive into another chapter of pretentiousness? Your friends and family are coming over for burgers, dogs, and maybe barbecued chicken, not creme brulee. Once that cast iron creme brulee set comes out, you're going to see a collective eye-roll from your guests.
3. Grill Sergeant Apron - The problem with this grilling accessory is you've gone from one extreme to the other. There's no need to look like you just stepped out of a scene from the movie, Deliverance. Stop squealing like a pig, and come to your senses before it's too late.
4. Barbecue Tool and Accessory Organizer Stand - Look at the photo of this thing!
Are you really that disorganized that you need to strap a top heavy rack to a barbecue grill filled with flaming charcoal? What could possibly go wrong?!
5. Sur La Table Grill Clips - These things are a disaster waiting to happen! Do you really need a way to crush delicate pieces of food? It's also a pretty good bet that one of your degenerate friends is going to yell out, "Hey cool, a fancy pair of nipple clamps!"
You won't have to worry about keeping up with your friends and neighbors in the idiotic barbecue grill accessory department if you hit up the Brews and Barbecue Festival featuring Molly Hatchet and Whitewood, awesome barbecue, and ice cold top notch beer on Saturday, May 14. Buy your tickets by clicking this link.