Danbury’s Possible Plan to Stop Public Sex in Farrington Woods
According to the News Times, City Council President Joseph Cavo is open to the idea of a retired police officer living in Farrington Woods to combat the wave of public indecency arrests there.
The unnamed veteran cop would lease a home in the park for an inexpensive rate. In exchange, he would patrol the grounds and be the caretaker.
That's all well and good, but it seems like we are putting a band aid on a bullet wound. I am proposing more extreme measures to stop this public sex. My proposal involves having a team -- very much like a SWAT team -- that would respond to public sex calls. I am calling them the Schvantz Response Team. They would be armed with fly swatters to swat away all the private parts. Instead of rocket propelled grenades or R.P.G.'s they would be equipped with R.P.P.G's. Those are rocket propelled p&#@s grenades.
If you want to keep doing things the old way, then by all means, ignore my advice. If you want results, roll with me. You see, I am not only identifying problems, but coming up with solutions. I am all about getting results, and the Schvantz Response Team or SRT would get them. Sure, it's going to cost the city a few bucks, but money well spent. The first thing we need to budget for is a vehicle for the Schvantz Response Team. I have just the vehicle in mind.
I hear it's for sale. Kristin Chenoweth sold separately. Let's get something done already.