Canadian Company Buys Candlewood Lake, Promises Not to Turn It Into a Mall

As you might have read in a March 3 article in Sfgate.com, a Canadian firm has purchased Candlewood Lake from FirstLight Power Resources for $1.2 billion.Rest assured that this Canadian company will NOT be draining the lake to build a mall like a couple of idiots from the I-95 Morning Show tried to make you believe about 15 years ago. Yes, I was one of those idiots and humbly apologize to anyone who was freaked out especially the business owners all around the lake.

The purchase will be finalized in June but in the meantime, I wanted to give you the heads up regarding some Canadian nuances that might begin to creep into Candlewood Lake's summer culture with the help of Lifebuzz.com

1. 'It's cold, Eh?' You may begin to hear that phrase, which is actually meant as an affirmation in Canadianese. The phrase sounds cute at first, but by the end of the summer you'll be asking the Canadians to "STFU!"

2. Ogopogo -This thing is Canada's own Loch Ness sea monster. Beginning this summer you will be asked to always remain vigilant around Candlewood Lake's boat launches. We don't need this thing eating our women and children!

3. 'Universal Health Care' - Very simply, Canadians have it and we don't. We don't need any toque wearin' Canadians bragging about their free health care. We're perfectly satisfied paying outlandish health insurance premiums every month to see our primary care physicians!

4. 'Hockey' - Like the South Americans blather on about soccer, all Canadians talk about is hockey 24/7, hockey, hockey, hockey, because hockey is a way of life. If you're at 'Down the Hatch' havin' a couple of beers with a Canadian, don't ever make fun of any Canadian NHL team or you might start a riot!

5. 'Lakes, Lakes, and More Lakes' - Because Canada has more lakes than any country in the world, Canadians may try to diss Candlewood Lake by saying, "Yeah, I guess the lake's OK, but I can name 43 lakes in Canada that are better than your stupid Candlewood!" This is when you pull his toque down over his head and tell him to "Take Off!" Hoser!

Listen to Ethan Carey on the Ethan & Lou Show weekdays from 5:30-10AM on 95.1 FM. You can listen online at i95rock.com/listen-live/ or by downloading the radioPup app for your mobile device.