Beware: Netflix Is a Bucket of Lies With ‘Little Mermaid’

Last night, I was cruising "the Netflix," as I am known to do. I was looking for a family-friendly film to watch with my daughter. After ruling out The Purge, I saw the most amazing words appear on my screen — The Little Mermaid. After doing a double take, I shouted, "Erica! Netflix has a live action version of The Little Mermaid!"

I got my daughter settled and clicked play. We were about to embark on a great journey and hear some of the greatest songs ever written for film. Sadly, that is not at all what happened. In my haste, I failed to read the movie description. It took me a half an hour to realize that I had been duped. There would be no Ariel and none of the songs I love so much. Here is what the description says according to Netflix: "In this take on the classic tale, a captive circus mermaid transforms the lives of a skeptical journalist and his wide-eyed young sister."

I don't care about skeptical journalists and their wide-eyed sisters. I want to see a crab and a flounder chase a brat around the ocean who just wants "MORE." Where was this?

Where was this?

They were not there. What I got instead was this:

I'm sure it's actually a great movie. It was pretty to look at, and the actors were good from what I saw, but IT WAS NOT The Little Mermaid. This was a bag of lies the size of Texas and I did not appreciate it. Netflix is laughin' at me. Laughing and lying.