Will you accept this rose? Indeed I will, I'm all in on "The Bachelor." Last night I caught up on the first episode of the new season and there is a lot going on. Let's start with the Bachelor himself:

  • Name - Colton Underwood
  • Claim to Fame prior to reality TV career - Played in the NFL (Chargers, Eagles, Raiders)
  • Age - 26
  • Dimples - F--- Yeah
  • Important to know - Colton is a virgin but not a reality TV virgin. He was on "The Bachelorette" and "Bachelor in Paradise." He's best known for being dumped by Becca and crying for like two years. Other highlights include but are not limited to driving fellow contestant Tia into a mental institution, crying some more and constantly reminding people he spent five minutes in the NFL.
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(COLTON MISSING A TACKLE)

Now that we are all caught up let's discuss the first episode.

Takeaways:

  • The women are all beautiful, no surprise there.
  • ABC needs to stop trying to surround these episodes with "events." The show is slickly produced and sharp as is. I don't need cutaways to former contestants in different cities hosting "Bachelor" themed parties. It's degrades the overall quality of the viewing experience. Is it really worth the extra half an hour of ad revenue to annoy me and make me wanna change the channel?
  • Catherine was extremely rude to steal Colton away from his "one on one's" 4 separate times. She annoys me on so many levels. Who brings their dog with them? Stop it Catherine! Go Back to Florida, you are the worst. Florida, you say? (shocking that she's from Florida)
  • The fact that Catherine GOT a rose just bolsters my theory that producers of the show have control over some percentage of the roses.
  • These ladies should stop continually making Colton's "virginity" a topic of conversation. He knows already.

Predictions:

  • Beauty queen Caelynn will go far. She shouldn't. She has that pageant girl "fart smelling" smile. Not a fan.
  • Demi will go far into the show as well, she should not. She's here for "the wrong reasons" as they say.

Who WILL (should) be the winner:

Cassie. Cassie from Huntington Beach, CA. She's a speech pathologist, beautiful, understated. I don't know what Colton will actually do, C'mon. How could I? I know what I would have done. I would have seen Cassie, walked up to her, had a conversation, excused myself, chucked the roses in the garbage and asked her to join me for a meal at Outback Steakhouse for the $15.99 Shrimp & Lobster.